I must be too annoying 4 u.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
