Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
