Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
