you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
