I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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