She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize