sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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