Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
where are you?
Hypothermia
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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