I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
