Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
