I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
