I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
