I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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