I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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