we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
