My liver just broke up with me...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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