I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
