shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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