I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
