well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
