Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
