Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
