I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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