just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
