My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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