glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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