This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
