i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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