I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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