I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
