i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
