How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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