you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
