evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
