I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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