y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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