and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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