i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
