check it out our google latitudes are spooning
smell my finger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
