Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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