Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
