can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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