I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
