Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
