haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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