I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Found your dick twin last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
