its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
