Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
