You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize