all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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