1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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