Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
