Yo dont text me then not text me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
