I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
