Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
