dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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