so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
