how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just google imaged poop.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
