you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
