were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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