if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
