Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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