Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My balls are so social today.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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