The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
