im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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