Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
