My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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