So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
is it fun? or sober?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
