I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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