get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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