I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
