Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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