Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
