Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i would one night stand the shit outta him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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