Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
