**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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